The Old Folks Home

Let me preface this post with a disclaimer:

I LOVE my ward. I absolutely adore it. I have never been in a ward with so many insightful, educated, experienced, loving people. I’ve learned so much in the short half year I’ve been in attendance, and the level of people is that which I’ve never been able to experience before.

That being said.

I experienced the funniest Sunday school of my life.

It was ward conference, so instead of having to teach our 14 year olds, we got to go to the grown-up class. It’s been a while, so I’m not quite sure if this is a normalcy for this crowd or not, but let’s just say I was so irreverent but I truly couldn’t contain myself. Let me just paint a little picture.

So we sit down in the front row (it’s a smaller room, but it’s completely packed.) There is an adorable younger girl teaching the lesson. A few minutes after class started, an old man shuffled in…quietly, but sloooowly – decked out in his oversized neon yellow sunglasses that he wears every Sunday….
About 10 minutes after that, I hear “Frank. Frank. FRANK. FRAANNK! He can’t hear anything, you need to turn up the mic”. The poor girl teaching didn’t really know what to do, so we halted the class… Apparently there was a partially deaf old man who needed a special hearing aid to be able to hear the lesson… It was similar to those headsets they use for people who need the lesson to be translated into a different language… this was just for volume amplification. Haha. So that was fine.
But then…
Smack, smack,smack,smack,smack….
(you know…the kind of smack that sounds like someone has something REALLY sticky and wet in their mouth… the kind that makes a Coslett throw-up at even the slightest hint of that sound?)
Smack,smack,smack(pauuuuuuse),smack,smack, smack,smack,smackysmacksmack.
I looked over at Lance with big eyes like “what the heck” and my eyeline proceeded to look past him to find the culprit. It was an old man sitting in his electric wheelchair rocking his feet back and forth, smacking to the rhythm of the movement. Are. You. Kidding. Me. After I stopped looking at that train wreck my eyeline met lance’s again, and his big eyes mirrored mine. We both had huge grins on our face and were suppressing laughter.
Then…
The teacher asked for a volunteer to read 10 verses out of Moses. This (very sweet) native Japanese woman raised her hand, took the mic (oh yes, there is a microphone they pass around to people who volunteer to read or have a comment that is connected to the SURROUND SOUND system they have in EVERY ROOM so the old people can hear what’s being said. This is not a joke.)…. And she proceded to put the microphone up to her lips (and the sound was turned up VERY LOUD)…. And she began reading the verses… IN JAPANESE!! What? Yes, seriously.
THEN…
About 5 minutes after that, it was very quiet, and only the teacher was talking… It was something pretty spiritual and moving… and then the sound came. It kind of sounded like….you know when theres the microphone attached to the pulpit, and someone pulls it down and it makes that kind of amplified scratchy sound? Well we kept hearing it, and I really did think it was the teacher, but I kept looking up from my scriptures and she was NOT touching her microphone… and the sound came in a very rhythmic pace… Lance and I were looking around to see what the sound could possibly be… or where it was coming from. Then it dawned on me.
No.
Really?
Really.
Lance gave a nod to an old dude in the back corner of the other side of the room who was half slouched sideways, his head practically resting on his shoulder, his mouth wide open…
He was snoring.
SNORING!
Like it was the middle of the night!
Given it WAS 2:00 and probably naptime for him… but still.
It was too much…
And it went on for ATLEAST 5 MINUTES!
We couldn’t take it. My body was shaking because I was laughing so hard – but the quiet laugh…. And lance had his face buried in his hands between his knees. I could not suppress this, not even a little. It was even worse when the old lady behind me tapped me on the shoulder and said “Hey, what’s that noise?” and I said “That man is snoring” and she said “Oh my.”
Why did no one wake the man?
Seriously. We are in a nursing home ward (which I reiterate: I love)….Ah I will never forget this Sunday.