Just a Heads Up.

Dear Potential Employee,

Please pay attention to the following.

I don't mean to judge you; however, as an employer, I have no choice but to do so. I receive hundreds of emails a day inquiring about the positions I have posted on Craig's List and KSL. I have to have a method to sift through these applicants in order to find the best person suited for the job. Yes, my methods are highly flawed, but they work for me, and I can promise you that I am not the only employer who does the exact same things.

When you are applying for a job via email, please make sure your email address isn't "hotpantz228", "numba1balla", "jessieluvztheladiez" etc... (yes these were real addresses). I will not take you seriously. I might skim over your cover email, and if something jumps out immediately to me, then I won't delete your resume. If not, your email will find its self in the trash can.

Please know that I WILL look you up. I will look for you on Facebook first. If I am not satisfied there, I will find you on MySpace, Twitter, etc. This method may sound creepy, but it's a very helpful one. Your social network pages tell me more about you than you might in your interview, when you're trying to impress me. That being said, either block your social network pages so I can't see what you're REALLY like, or clean up your pages so you seem like a presentable human being.

If I Google your name and a mug shot of you is the first hit and a KSL news story about you and your arrest is the next hit, I will research you a little more.

In my Craig's List ad, I asked you to write a short cover letter with your resume attached. When I said short, that didn't mean your name only written in the subject line. When I said short, I didn't mean "please write one sentence"...For example, this is not okay, "The reason that I what to work for you because I what to give people an opportunity to try food from Belgian." Like I said, a one-liner won't cut it. Also, please make sure you know what you're talking about before you write something (it's BelgiuM). And PROOF READ!!!

Also, please keep your email simple. If you over step your vocabulary abilities, it will not work out well for you. For example: "I am a good fit for you as of I have good customer service skills, very flexible with my time, I like keeping things organized seeing as no one is confused and know how things are going on in the work when things are organzied, As well as I am a hard worker and like making others satisfied with my out going personality. Please e mail me back with when we can re arrange an interview of some kind."

So, if you DO make it past my initial email screening phase, pat yourself on the back. You have utilized your spell check function and have a respectable email address.

When you come to your interview, I WILL (subconsciously) judge you. First impressions in a job interview are all I have to go off of. Please don't smoke a cigarette right before you meet with me. Also don't over-perfume yourself. It tells me that you don't bathe OR that you will always over-smell and that all of us will have to endure that when we work with you. If your shirt has stains or holes in it, that tells me you aren't clean and that you don't understand that a clean appearance is important in the restaurant industry. Please don't dress similarly to Lady Gaga either. That won't help your chances. Please don't wear high, high, HIGH hot pink pumps, skin tight jeans and a extremely low-cut shirt. Please don't slump in your chair, wear sunglasses, or check a text message during our interview. Please don't ask if the pay will increase, if you can go ahead and have the first 2 weeks of work off, or ask about what happens when you're "sick" and you actually do the air quotations when you say sick.

If you can manage to not do all of those things, I'd say you have a pretty great chance of getting the job.

If you can NOT manage some of these, please find a different employer.

Sincerely,

Ashley
(Your potential employer who has interviewed one too many ridiculous applicants and now has to be the most judgmental person in the entire world when I look at your email application. Thanks a lot!)